Excuses, excuses

We’ve all had days when we just didn’t feel like working. If you’re going to make up an excuse, we suggest you skip these which were actually used, according to a survey of HR professionals.– “I can’t come to work today because my car radio doesn’t work.”– “My psychic told me to stay home.”– “I can’t find my shoes.”– “I swallowed too much mouthwash.”– “I can’t come in because I got into a fight with my neighbor and she hit me in the head with a coffee mug.”– Employee was helping his family scatter their father’s ashes.– Employee had a dental emergency; he had to get to the dentist because dental floss was lodged between his teeth.– Employee claimed to have been kidnapped and was just released.– Employee blamed employer for not giving him a wake-up call.– An employee who lived next to where he worked walked to the guard shack and told the attendance clerk that he couldn’t get in because the roads were too slippery from the 5-in. snowfall overnight.– An employee’s wife called in and said, “My husband won’t be at work today. He’s incarcerated.”– Male employee called off because he was suffering “morning sickness” due to his wife’s pregnancy. (When told it was physically impossible, he then said he was suffering “sympathy pains.”)– Employee was upset that his favorite American Idol contestant was voted off.– “My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.”– “My cat unplugged my alarm clock.”– “Someone put LSD in my salad.”– “My canoe floated away and I’m stuck on an island.”– “I donated too much blood.”– “I’m not feeling well and I want to rest up for the company party tonight.”– “A groundhog bit my tire and now it’s flat.”– “I’m too fat to get into my work pants.”– “I’m too drunk to drive to work.”– “I have an ear infection from a tiger urinating in my ear at the circus.”– “At my sister’s wedding I chipped a tooth on a mint julep and when I bent over to spit it out, I hit my head on a keg and was knocked unconscious.”– An employee, who’s not in the medical profession, called in to say he had to help deliver a baby on the way to work.– “The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.”– “My dog is stressed out after my family reunion.”– “I’ve been poisoned by my motherin-law.”– “I broke my leg snowboarding off the roof while drunk.”– “My wife has a lot of chores for me to do around the house.”– “I have really bad hiccups.”– “My dog swallowed my bus pass.”– “My wife burned all my clothes so I have nothing to wear to work.”– “I don’t want to lose the parking space in front of my house.”