April 1, 2005
As it turns out, Finagle J. Wurme did not hit the plane with his frozen chicken. Once the bird was removed from the runway, airport security officers

As it turns out, Finagle J. Wurme did not hit the plane with his frozen chicken. Once the bird was removed from the runway, airport security officers had a good chuckle with Finagle over his mistake, the passengers on the plane settled back into their comfortable seats, and the plane's pilot even shot a bird back at Finagle to show there was no ill will. Everyone on the runway quickly forgave Finagle's error, and the security officers even offered to buy him a chicken sandwich inside the airport.

That's when things took a radical turn. When Finagle entered the airport with his security friends, his dressy shoes tripped the metal detector's alarm. Apparently, a significant amount of metal was used in the construction of Finagle's shiny black loafers — an amount of metal so shockingly high, it didn't seem possible that so much could be used for something as innocent and simple as holding together shoes.

So Finagle's new officer friends were obliged to escort him to Airport Court, which is proving to be at least five times worse than Monopoly Jail. There, Finagle is being forced to testify to the actual amount of metal in his shoes and provide proof that there's not enough to be used for sinister or unsavory purposes.

The only problem is that there was a little mix-up at the security checkpoint. Finagle's shoes were put through additional screening with eleven other pairs — six in a rich Bordeaux, five in classic black — and in the dim airport light Finagle couldn't differentiate color. How many shoes does Finagle have to take with him to ensure a matching pair and be presentable in court? Then, what are the odds that he'll have one of his own shoes with him, to prove his innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt?

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